I’ve heard it said, “You can’t go home.” And, “Home is where the heart is.” But, if you can’t go home, and that’s where your heart is . . . then . . . does that mean you’ve lost heart? Not me. Nope!! I can go home any time I want, and I do – often. Not all the way home, though, usually. I go to the front gate, where all the flowers are. I can lean on the gate and relive all the fun times and exciting days, and it’s like picking a bouquet of memories.
My foster father – what a guy! Farming was his life, and so was his wife. He had more old sayings than a dog’s got fleas. I used to just marvel at how many he could quote in one day, without repeating himself. As a teenager, I often scoffed at those sayings. Now I remember them with great fondness, and have found myself using most as though they originated in my own brain.
There was a saying for every occasion, and several he used for multiple situations.
A typical day at our house may have included one or more of the following interchanges . . .
me: How ya doin today? him: (on a good day) finern frog’s hair split three ways (on a better day) happy as a clam the clam-diggers missed! (on a great day) if I was any better, there’d have to be two of me! (on a day he didn’t feel well) I got a hitch in my gitalong. me: I don’t get it. What did you mean by that? him: Oh, nuthin. My tongue just got tied around my eye-teeth, and I couldn’t see what I was saying. me: I hate my hair! Why can’t I get it cut? him: well, you’ve cut it two or three times, and it’s still too short. me: What time is it, Claude? him: two hairs past a freckle, goin’ on to the elbow. me: AARRGGHHH! I can’t do this stupid thing – it’s not working! him: here’s your problem – you’re not holdin’ your mouth right. me: (before a date) Do I look OK? him: you look purtiern a spotted hog. (by the way, that did NOT instill any confidence in me at the time, as I hated hogs and thought they were ugly)Oh, and all those little multipurpose sayings! He would often use these interchangeably – when he was upset, mischievous, crabby, happy – whatever. Sometimes he’d just use them to make me laugh, or to get a rise out of me, or maybe even to make me a little mad (he got a kick out of getting my teenage temper stirred up).
I’m gonna cut your tail off right behind your ears! (upset with one of us kids…teasing the dog…or just feelin’ a little rambunctious) Put your shoes on, Lucy – doncha know you’re in the city?! (by the way, we weren’t in the city, my name isn’t Lucy, and I probably had my shoes on anyway) Independent as a hog on ice (somebody he considered even more stubborn than he was – usually me) Come on in, pull up a chair and sit down beside it (when company came, if he liked them) Here’s your hat what’s your hurry (when company came, if he wasn’t all that fond of them) Well, sit on your fist and lean back on your thumb (to whoever lost, when we were fighting over the best seat in front of the TV) If everybody thought alike, they’d all want Suzie (this one always cracked me up, as his wife’s name wasn’t Suzie) slice me off a chunk of that (when I tried to make coffee once – by the way, you COULD slice off a chunk of HIS coffee) I druther die owin’ ya than cheatcha out of it (ALWAYS said with a twinkle in his eye and a twitch in the corner of his mouth) I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet (I honestly think he got that one from watching all those old westerns he loved on TV. Jes sayin) I’m so hongry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut (another one I’m sure he got from westerns – except maybe for the ‘hongry’ part. That was all him) Well, bust my britches! (this one he used to convey any number of emotions)My foster father rarely just “said” something – he was the master of hyperbole, simile, and metaphor, even though he had no idea what any of those words meant. When I think of all his sayings, I can hear his voice and see the twinkle in his eye.
But if someone did something he didn’t like, look out! He could jump straight up in the air and land with both fists up, ready to do battle, sort of a mixture between Snuffy Smith and Popeye. True story! I actually witnessed that happen once, when someone had badly mistreated his plow horse, Patsy. She died from the mistreatment – and the fellow came very near that himself.
Normally, though, my foster father was a kind, gentle little man, always a hard worker, and meticulously honest. He was a good man.
I could go on and on and on and . . . or not. What are some of your favorite memories from days gone by?
This week’s WordPress writing challenge is all about something completely different from the normal posting, and my foster father was just that – completely different from any post I ever met. There are fence posts, and postcards, and postmarks, and postmen, and post-holes, and post-modern, and even blog posts. Claude was a postmark from another era, forever stamped on my memory.
Very exciting story about an exciting personality! This really is unique, I enjoyed every bit of it! There is so much creativity; I should attribute it both to you and to your foster father! 🙂
aw shucks ya make me blush. Thanks so much – he was a special man. Good memories.
Sensational post Beautiful sense of belonging , Best wishes.jalal
Thank you so much – he did make us feel like more than just foster kids. We were family.
What a blessing to have a fine foster father like Claude…great story, thanks!
Yes, we were very blessed, and I’m glad I got to know him and his sweet wife Ida (we called her Idee). He used to say something like, “I ain’t got no idee, Idee” when she’d ask him something. Cracked me up every time!
A treasure full of good memories he left you…so wonderful and so glad you shared your memories. 🙂
Claude and Ida were special. As my late husband would say, they were keepers.
love it!
Thank you. It brought back so many wonderful memories as I wrote it down.
Living in a home with a “king and gentle” person is a blessing 🙂
Yes it is! He was certainly an interesting person to live in the same house with!!
I really enjoyed this post! Very well written. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!!
Thank you so much! I was gone all day and then at the grocery store and stuff tonight, and it was wonderful to check my email and find that tonight!!
if I was any better, there’d have to be two of me! lol i am going to try that one on someone most cool
My husband kinda looked confused over that one, but after I explained it to him, he thought it was pretty good too. And you can use it any time you want! He didn’t patent it. 🙂
From those sayings, I imagine he must have been one heck of a character! 🙂
He was one of the funniest, hardest working, most set-in-his-ways, enjoyable fellows I ever knew. And he believed every. single. word. he heard on TV. If it was on the news, it MUST be the truth. That was one thing I’d forgotten about until just now.
good stuff. thar wurr a phew, nay, sevurrull, seigheengs i ain’t hurd beefurr.
coincidental: just TWO DAZE uh-go i wuzz talkin’ with my dotter awnna walk, and i mentioned the “finer than frag hair” and she said that her father in law would say the same thing, ‘cept split FOUR WAYS and softened with an emery board !
thanks for providin’ this gnawvel yoooneeek trip down language lane!
Oh my goodness – that’s funny, split four ways and softened with an emery board!! That’s gotta be a southern saying fer shure!!
I love “you’re not holdin’ your mouth right”! Good advice for most challenges. Thanks for sharing!
Oh, the times I would get so mad when I was a teenager and he’d say that! And when he was gone, what I wouldn’t have given to hear it one more time.
Ha! I love it. My partner’s grandmother is the same way. It’s baffling sometimes the things that come out of her mouth. One of my favorites is ‘You know what thought did? Wet the bed and thought it was sweating.’ Kudos for writing all of his quips down!
Oh, that’s funny! I never would’ve thought of putting it that way. I’ve always loved interesting ways of saying things!
Love this!! It’s so genuine, I felt like I could’ve been right there with ya!! It’s also kinda weird… or it must be a day for memories too, b/c I posed almost the same exact question at the end of my blog challenge today (http://pathdiscoveries.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/does-your-imaginator-need-a-tune-up/)…funny. Anyway, thanks for making me smile!!
OK, now I have to go read yours! Thanks so much for the sweet comment; I love all those sayings – only about half of them are here. I’m sure I’ve forgotten a bunch!
I can’t imagine there being more than that…lol! I was trying to recall some of them over the weekend…we took a trip to Birmingham, and I was having a hard time remembering correctly just one… lol…they are all so unique!
Nice. You really brought him to life. I’d get a kick out of hearing him talk. I have some relatives that are close, but not as colorful with their speech.
Oh, cherish those relatives! He was a very special man, and I was blessed to have been part of his life.
Awesome. I like reading fond memories! Thanks for sharing, Shirly. What? You’re name’s not Shirly? 😉
Thanks so much…and nope, my name’s not Shirly, but you can call me Shirly if ya wanna. 🙂 My foster sister’s nickname was Shirley, and I would be honored to share that, even if it isn’t my name!
I was just playing, it seems like old’ timers are always playing with names. Have a wonderful weekend!
🙂 yah I knew that, and I had fun with it!
I get the feeling of a lovely man from your words 🙂
Thank you so much. He was a very special man. Even when he got Alzheimer’s, he still had that twinkle in his eye and those wonderful sayings.
What a blessing 🙂
🙂
He must have been a good guy because you remember him so fondly and write him that way. You are lucky to have known each other
Yes, he was, and I have always felt very blessed to have known him and his wife. They were very good to us.
Funny, I read recently that we don’t use those old expressions often enough any more and they are being lost. My kids love it when I say, “It’ll all come out in the wash.” But then they use the same expression about something that will NOT come out in that proverbial wash.
Oh, we used to say that (still do, actually) when I was a kid. I love that old saying.
so much love in this post, thanks for sharing !!!
Thank you for reading it! There is much love here; he was a good man, and his wife was a good woman. I loved them as though they were my own parents.
“And if a frog had wings…” Do you know this one?
I enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
That’s a new one for me – I’ve used “if pigs could fly” a lot, though. I’m thinkin’ this one will become the newest addition to my collection of sayings. 🙂 Thanks for this one!
So as an up and coming journalist I can go anywhere in the world and feel at home. Wonder if that’s what the phrase “the world is your oyster” means. If you’re spiritual and believe in God, then you’re always at home wherever you are because you have God in your heart.
Yup, I believe that I can feel at home anywhere, because I carry ‘home’ within, in His presence. And, I have all those wonderful memories of life filed away, to be enjoyed at a moment’s notice.
You’re conversation went over my head, but I’m sure if I were you I’d enjoy it all the same too 🙂
You’re foster father sounds like a great, eccentric personality 😀
Love him, though I don’t know him 🙂
Great post, congratulations on Freshly Pressed, you earned it!
Check mine too?
Cheers! 😀
Thanks so much – yes, he was a fellow worth knowing and emulating. Thanks for checking this out – I think I’ll mosey on over and take a look at yours too.
I’ve got the biggest smile on my face after reading Claude’s clever comebacks; he must have been quite a special guy! This was a great post, I enjoyed it very much. And CONGRATS on being Freshly Pressed!!
Thanks, groovylove. Oh, he had so many comebacks! I know I’ve forgotten a lot, because every so often some funny little saying will find its way to the surface of my brain, and I’ll realize that it came from him.
What a nice tribute to your foster father. His comments were very cute. I could see little hands making “chairs” for them to “sit” on. lol Congratulations for being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks so much, Lori. Yes, I still use that phrase because the mental picture just cracks me up!
This all reminded me so much of my Grandpa. He and my grandma were more like my parents (since my parents didn’t seem to want to be parents). They raised me until I was almost 9. They are almost 81 and falling to pieces-fast. Some days are really hard. Stories like these make me remember the funny stuff. My grandpa wasn’t raised, nor did he ever live on a farm or in the south. However, his mothers family grew up mostly uneducated and she had a horrible way of speaking. Her words were often butchered into another creation entirely. He was slightly more educated than her (8th grade education), but still managed to carry some of her ‘slang’ with him.
He has some doozies. For example, when he is thirsty: “I’m dryer than a popcorn fart.”
That’s just one of so many. You mentioned some of them in your post. Those sayings will be what I remember most about him. Thanks for the memories of the good old days, because these new days are challenging, at best
Yes, these days are challenging. I’m glad to have good memories to help when things tend to get overwhelming.
I know about those garbled words – my parents never got past 5th grade, but they had life-learning that got them through the lack of book-learning.
I’ve never heard that one about the popcorn! I love sayings that create a visual for me. Thanks so much for sharing that one, and hold onto the good memories!
What a special post about a special person, truly enjoyed it! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thank you so much! I am still feeling humbly grateful for the recognition.
great post… i love the proverbs and metaphors my grandmother used all the time…and she d say them in such a way wud make us kids laugh at that age,…but come to think of them now, they were all so true to the bone
That is one of the reasons I love colorful sayings like those he used, and that my late husband’s parents used. You can ”say” something, or you can ‘SAY’ something…knowhutImeanvern? (yeah, I watched Ernest a lot)
hahahaha…lovely isnt it
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Reblogged this on wangeshicarol and commented:
It takes a person to learn a new and view life differently; some of these lessons can never be unlearned!
Loved it!! I’ve been thinking about doing one just like this about my father! Well done.
Oh, you should do it! Just writing this made me remember so many good times. And all week other little sayings have been popping up in my mind. I keep thinking, “Oh, I wish I’d remembered that one the other day!”